"Worrying is like praying for something you don't want."
Is this where I'm supposed to gush about how awesome 2013 was, and how amazing 2014 is going to be?
Sorry. I guess I could try to be more positive than that.
2014 won't suck as badly as 2013 did, because it's not possible. As I say that, I knock on wood. A lot of terrible things could happen to make 2014 worse than 2013. And we've got some wonderful things coming in 2014.
We're going to be an uncle and aunt for the first time ever courtesy of my sister-in-law. Our best man and his wife will become parents a couple of weeks after that. We'll be welcoming a new sister-in-law into the family. And some beloved, generous friends sweetly but firmly decided that we need a vacation, so we're going to OBX in May.
I'm going to ignore the fact that neither this computer nor our Volvo will likely make it to the end of the year. I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm still mostly housebound and my doc can't seem to help me. I'm going to ignore the fact that neither of us are employed right now, and the fact that my Crohn's seems to make me a liability that no one wants to take on. I'm going to ignore the fact that we'll both be 32 this year with no retirement fund in sight.
We've made a conscious to plan for good things, despite the reality that the universe still owes us nothing. We're planning on putting in two new raised beds in the garden, in the faith that we'll have the time and energy to tend them. We're planning on taking that vacation with our friends, in the faith that I'll be healthy enough to actually go. We're looking forward to rewiring the basement and finally having softened water and a working extra freezer, in the faith that we'll have the money to do that project.
It's scary to have faith. Right now I feel like I have to hold my breath and don't make any noise and keep my room clean and be the best little girl that I can so the universe doesn't notice me and punish us more. But I have to let go of the fear sometime. I'm hoping I can look back in May and realize I can breathe.