And now for something completely different

I suppose it happens to every young married (straight) woman sometime. This was my turn. Tuesday I was in my boss's office, going over some paperwork, when she suddenly leans over her desk and whispers in the loudest confidential whisper I've ever heard, "Hey, are you PREGNANT?!" ...Buh?

I think my blank, shocked stare jarred her back to civility, because she immediately started rationalizing, citing the loose shirt I was wearing and the fact that I got flowers from my in-laws a few weeks ago, and she "just put two and two together". It was high-larious for about an hour, and then I got angry. Consequently, I have some thoughts.

-It's called FAT, honey. Some women are that way. Not all of us are thin, blonde, and tan like you (Tan, despite the fact that her skin's like leathuh and she had skin cancer removed from her face last year). I'm from hearty Greek peasant stock. I am SOLID.

- I'm HEALTHY. I'm finally back in remission, and my body's absorbing nutrients again. Malnutrition bad, mmmkay?

- HOW RUDE. Let's not even get into the fact that she already knew the reason for the flowers (Wyl getting into grad school) and the fact that I'd told her that, but she can barely pretend to care about anyone but herself. What sane person asks a woman if she's pregnant? The common wisdom applies: don't ask if she's pregnant unless you can see the damn head crowning.

Ultimately, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. AND OF WHAT? Why do women have to be ashamed of their jiggle? My husband thinks I am fantastically sexy. I'm a size 10; that's not exactly obesity territory. And of course she hit on the one part of me that I feel ridiculously self-conscious about - my belly. I don't have, and never will have, a flat stomach. Most women don't, you know. I actually like having some fat there because it makes my shots hurt less. But you know, I'm terrified of letting anyone see it now. That's not fair, and it's not realistic. I fought a few days of not wanting to eat anything at all, which is so screwed up and wrong and makes me ANGRY that anyone has that power over me.

What do I have to apologize for?

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Also, on the protest front: According to my future brother in law, I'm a selfish, mediocre, disgrace douche bag liberal bullshitter young punk that doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. And by his reasoning, so is my husband, all our friends, all teachers, firefighters, cops, sanitation workers, nurses, professors, state troopers, corrections officers, and about 100,000 others that were in our Capitol Square this weekend alone. I LOVE MY IN-LAWS.

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